There’s been a lot going on since I last wrote, but I didn’t feel like getting into since I was so burnt out talking about my CT. Works been busy, which makes me happy, and if I didn’t compartmentalize cancer I’d go bonkers. Sometimes it’s just easier to keep what’s going on to myself so I don’t have to talk about it and have it creep into my day all the time.

But, we now have a date and a plan for the stem cell transplant.

On February 10th they’ll do a 5x (high) dose of chemo-called BEAM/BCNU, which is the standard stem cell cocktail. Then on the 12th they’ll do the atalogous (sp?) stem cell transplant, which is my own stem cells. Depending on how well I do (how sick I get) they’ll then do the mini-alo transplant 30-45 days later (the donor). A team of Docs at Seattle Cancer Care Alliance, including Dr. G, discussed this at a conference earlier this week, so it’s nice to know I have the best lymphoma-stem cell transplant experts discussing my case and deciding this. They think it will give us the best chance to get rid of this once and for all (radiation seemed to work like a charm–they can see that the spots in my neck are totally gone, even this early–but radiation can’t get it at the microscopic level that they would like to get it out of my system, and fix the messed up mechanism that is causing my system to create these rogue b-cells).

No way around it, this is going to suuuuccckkk. I will be lucky if I can stay out of the hospital. We were hoping to avoid this super strong chemo thing but that’s what we need to do. Dr F says that days 3-12 will be very tough and then I’ll start to feel better. I am just trying be as healthy as I possibly can going into my transplant. I tried to be diligent about my health BC (before cancer) but besides some fudge/cookie indulgence over Christmas (and a Diet DP with the girls that was like heaven) I have been eating super healthy and am much more conscience about what goes in and on my body-chlorine filter for the shower and trying to follow the “if you wouldn’t eat it, don’t put it on your skin” rules (besides make-up–that’s my next non-toxic goal-and a reverse osmosis filter for drinking water, but those are pricey-both the initial cost and the amount of water & electricity they use). I really really appreciate treats sent to us, but unfortunately I take one taste and then off they go to Sterling’s office.  All of these things may sound really naive, but it’s the only thing I really have control over, so even if none of it matters, I have to do it for my own sanity.

My mom is coming on the 9th. Many people have asked about bringing meals (and a huge THANK YOU to those who have, most recently Jim and Kris, who drove down in the rain during rush hour to deliver enough food to last a week. Y’all as always are AWESOME! Just finished the wild rice soup last night. Yummm.) and if you are so inclined, the 10th-the rest of February would be ideal. My mom will be here for part of that time but she’ll be taking care of me, the house, and Silas, and caregivers need care too! I’m going to deflect the administration of this to one of my best friends/awesome social worker/mealsonwheelsvolunteer extraordinaire Erin who is an expert in meal delivery–her email is enewruple@yahoo.com. Even if I’m in the hospital for a while, either my mom or Sterling will be at home and will need some TLC.

So here we are. Even though it’s going to suck I’m very relieved that a date is set and there’s a plan. We are hoping to go somewhere sunny for a few days before then, to relax and enjoy me feeling normal and so I can stock up on vitamin D- and it’s practically required in Seattle that you go somewhere warm in the late winter, something we have yet to partake in.